Alphatown Ionians
| Pitchers | ||||||
| Archimedes | Atanasoff | Aurelius | Blondlot | Darwin | Dewey | Mill |
| Newton | Oberth | Spinoza | ||||
| Infielders/Outfielders | ||||||
| Chomsky | Hegel | Heidegger | Husserl | Kant | Nietzsche | Peirce |
| Planck | Pons | Rand | Russell | Tarski | Tsander | Turing |
| Field Manager | Coaches | G.M. | Owner | Home Park | ||
| Descartes | Emerson | Hume | James | Wittgenstein | Confucius | AlphaDome |
| Italics-Rookie | ||||||
The Alphatown Ionians are one of the Cosmic Baseball Association's original teams. They are also one of CBA's most successful teams having reached the Cosmic Universal Series six times (1983, 1985, 1990, 1991, 1993, 1994), more than any other team. Their record in the Series is 5-1.Last season was disappointing. The Ionians played sub-.500 baseball (79-83) prompting the owner Confucius to replace his rookie field manager, J. Robert Oppenheimer, with the former Ionian pitcher and rationalist philosopher, Rene Descartes.
Three rookies are on this year's roster, all of them pitchers: John Atanasoff, recognized as the "father" of the electronic digital computer; Marcus Aurelius, sage stoic philosopher and Roman emperor; and the scientist Charles Darwin.
Philosophers still out number the scientists on the roster but the gap is closing. Despite the fact that all of the managers and coaches are philosophers, the influence of the scientists is growing each season. This trend, however, seems to be having an adverse effect on the team's performance, at least for the last several seasons. Fans of the Ionians hope that rookie manager Descartes can steer the team towards another visit to the Cosmic Universal Series.
| YEAR | Won | Lost | Pct. |
| 1981 | 10 | 16 | .385 |
| 1983 | 86 | 76 | .531 |
| 1984 | 80 | 82 | .494 |
| 1985 | 98 | 64 | .605 |
| 1986 | 75 | 87 | .463 |
| 1987 | 85 | 77 | .525 |
| 1988 | 82 | 80 | .506 |
| 1989 | 81 | 81 | .500 |
| 1990 | 90 | 62 | .592 |
| 1991 | 97 | 65 | .599 |
| 1992 | 79 | 83 | .488 |
| 1993 | 87 | 75 | .537 |
| 1994 | 97 | 65 | .599 |
| 1995 | 83 | 79 | .512 |
| 1996 | 82 | 80 | .506 |
| 1997 | 79 | 83 | .488 |
| Composite | 1291 | 1155 | .528 |
Archimedes
c.287-212 B.C.
PitcherGreek mathematician and inventor.
John V. Atanasoff
1903-1995
PitcherScientist
Marcus Aurelius
121-180 A.D.
PitcherPhilosopher, Roman emperor (161-180).
Rene Blondlot
1849-1930
PitcherScientist
Noam Chomsky
born 1928
CatcherPhilosopher
Charles Robert Darwin
1809-1882
PitcherScientist
John Dewey
1859-1952
PitcherPhilosopher
G.W.F. Hegel
1770-1831
FirstbasePhilosopher
Martin Heidegger
1889-1976
RightfieldPhilosopher
Edmund Husserl
1859-1938
OutfieldPhilosopher
Immanuel Kant
1724-1804
CenterfieldPhilosopher
John Stuart Mill
1806-1873
PitcherPhilosopher
Issac Newton
1642-1727
PitcherScientist
Friedrich Nietzsche
1844-1900
CatcherPhilosopher
Hermann Oberth
1894-1989
PitcherScientist
C.S. Peirce
1839-1914
OutfieldPhilosopher
Max Planck
1858-1947
InfieldScientist
Stanley Pons
born 19??
InfieldScientist
Ayn Rand
1905-1982
OutfieldPhilosopher
Bertrand Russell
1872-1970
SecondbasePhilosopher
Baruch Spinoza
1632-1677
PitcherPhilosopher
Alfred Tarski
1902-1983
ShortstopScientist
Fridrikh Tsander
1887-1933
InfieldScientist
Alan Turing
1912-1954
InfieldScientist
Rene Descartes
1556-1650
Field ManagerPhilosopher
Ralph Waldo Emerson
1803-1882
CoachPhilosopher
David Hume
1711-1776
CoachPhilosopher
William James
1842-1910
CoachPhilosopher
Ludwig Wittgenstein
1889-1951
General ManagerPhilosopher
Confucius
551-479 B.C.
Team OwnerPhilosopher
AlphaDome
Home Park
Capacity: 44,444
512
1998 Cosmic Player Plate