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November 30, 2008
Cosmic Universal Series
The Paradise Pisces dominated the Delta Dragons in this season's Cosmic Universal Series. The Pisces won their fourth straight series game today behind seven strong innings of pitching by Robert Bork who picked up the win. The tale of this series is the incredible offensive combustion that spontaneously erupted at the plate when the Fish went to bat.
|Game 1||Game 2||Game 3||Game 4|
In the pitching area rookie Dahlia pitcher Lonestar won the ERA Title, veteran Charlie Parker topped all pitchers in strikeouts served, and the Sun, starting pitcher for the Planets, won the most games as a pitcher.
Zodiac Sign Scorpio, in an unusual feat for a catcher, stole the most bases.
|Batting Average||George W. Bush, Presidents||.341|
|Homeruns||Ulysses S. Grant, Presidents||50|
|Runs Batted In||Steve Jobs, Pisces||120|
|Runs Created||Steve Jobs, Pisces||8.7|
|Earned Run Average||Lonestar, Dahlias||1.83|
|Strikeouts||Charlie Parker, Dragons||483|
|Games Won||The Sun, Planets||44|
|Stolen Bases||Scorpio, Planets||52|
The junior team, the team of Abraham Lincoln and the east coast Yankees of the 19th century, looked decidedly lackluster. Republican starter Arnold Vinick went the distance and looked decent. However, the Democrats were just a better team today.
Tomorrow might be different, but the two teams will not play each other tomorrow.
With the selection of Barack Obama, the Washington Presidents are poised to make a significant change in their starting rotation. For a number of years the rotation of Lincoln, Kennedy, Nixon and Carter worked well, especially with the depth of skill in the bullpen. Pundits were pleased at the putative political balance with two Democrats and two Republicans in the rotation. But during Season 2008 some strains surfaced and some sensitivities were exposed. The Presidents hope that OBama can take the place of Richard Nixon who did not have a good season in 2008. His 7-12 (won-loss) record was a disappointment and Nixon will likely be benched next season to make room for the rookie Obama.
In this scenario, Abraham Lincoln becomes the lone Republican in the starting rotation. Sometimes, it's not whether you agree politically but whether or not you can play better than .500 ball.
|ERA-Earned Run Average||IP-Innings Pitched||ERun-Earned Runs||BB-Walk||K-Strikeout||W-Won||L-Lost|
Source: COSMIC BASEBALL RESEARCH ALLIANCE
Bloom won the award for the making of "Hand Jive." In an advance review of the film, Samantha Blue wrote, "First time I played it for only 30 seconds or so, didn't see any sexual activity, and moved on to the next film. After viewing all the other nominated films, I read Bloom's notes about her work. In her notes, she described the sexual and pornographic aspects and so I revisited the film. I watched with anticipation and once the sexual became apparent I was mesmerized. Perhaps the buildup was a bit long for me, but after watching the entire film, I found it particularly enchanting. I loved how it transitioned and actually watched it several times." (from Canon Digital Review, September 2008).
Bloom has been making experimental and underground films for several years but, according to her, this is the first award she has ever won for her cinematographic work. She says some of her significant influences were filmmakers associated with the Bolex Poetics (another deactivated cosmic baseball team) like Andrew Noren, Bruce Baillie, Adolfas Mekas, Kenneth Anger and perhaps most of all Jack Smith. She says Smith's 1963 classic "Flaming Creatures" influenced her heavily in the making of "Hand Jive."
Will Bloom pitch for another cosmic baseball team? She thinks that remains to be seen.
Obama will join the team as a pitcher for the 2009 cosmic baseball season. According to team officials, Obama's uniform number will be 44.
This is the first time the Washington Presidents have drafted a rookie before the will of the American people has been registered. Apparently, team management was convinced that Obama has a stronger arm than other candidates and the team early on recognized they need pitching help. Little is known about Obama's pitching skills. As a child, he was an eager and average batter.
The 2008 Washington Presidents finished in fifth place in the eight team cosmic baseball league this season. They compiled a 77-85 won-loss record and endured a number of controversies, including the abrupt quitting of their field manager.
The Orchomena Dahlias placed seventh in the eight team league. They posted a 73-89 won-loss record (.451). At the beginning of the season there were high hopes for this team. The Dahlias were reminiscent of the legendary Vestal Virgins (1982-2005) and some hoped this new team would take a competitive place in the regular cosmic playing league. Not the case.
The Playing Cards came in dead last (67-94, .414) and hardly anybody paid attention to the team. Insiders think the problem was the restriction that only one of the four standard suits could be eligible for the official roster. Based on a series of games between all four suits the Diamonds exclusively represented the Cards on the field. Their representation was poor and the other standard suits will not have a chance to demonstrate their prowess on the cosmic baseball field.
DRAFT NOTES: As a result of Republican Colin Powell's endorsement on Sunday of the Democratic candidate for President , the former U.S. Secretary of State will be added to the Obamas roster effective tomorrow. Powell's position is "to be determined."
The pundits all agree that the two finalists in the draft are John McCain, Senator from Arizona and Barack Obama, Senator from Illinois. The team has been evaluating the candidates in head-to-head pitching competitions. Twentyfour (24) games have been played by teams consisting of individuals related in some way to the pitching candidates. The intensity will likely pick up even more as decision time approaches.
A covert report compiled by anonymous COBRA Scholars predicted last February that Senator Obama will be drafted by the team.