Archived: September 30, 2000
Season 2000 Final Cosmic Team Standings


Links are to Final Team Statistics
Season 2000
Overleague Final Standings
Teams Won Lost Pct GB
Paradise Pisces 86 76 .531 -
Alphatown Ionians 85 77 .525 1
Washington Presidents 84 78 .519 2
Vestal Virgins 78 84 .481 8
Wonderland Warriors 78 84 .481 8
Dharma Beats 75 87 .463 11
Season 2000
Middleleague Final Standings
Teams Won Lost Pct GB
Psychedelphia Woodsox 86 76 .531 -
Bhutan Vanguards 85 77 .525 1
Heartland Capitalists 84 78 .519 2
Eden Bohemians 81 81 .500 5
Pranktown Busriders 81 81 .500 5
Delta Dragons 80 82 .494 6
Bolex Poetics 80 82 .494 6
Telecity Superbas 71 91 .438 15
Season 2000
Underleague Final Standings
Teams Won Lost Pct GB
Speed City Velocitors 94 69 .577 -
Pre-Raphaelites 93 70 .571 1
Armageddonia Anarchists 88 74 .543 5
Sweepland Curves 79 83 .488 14
Numeral City Numbers 79 83 .488 14
Motherland Mothers 78 84 .481 15
Dharma Roses 78 84 .481 15
Bigtopia B'Stormers 75 87 .463 18
Allahville Shabazzers 74 88 .457 19
Mindland Brains 73 89 .451 20



Season 2000 Main Plate

[September 24, 2000]

George Bush/Al Gore Home Run Derby (Update)


   


Home Run Totals
as of September 30
(270 pitches)
Bush123
Gore119




Since the Washington Presidents will be adding one new player to its roster in November and since the team needs a power-hitting outfielder, club officials have decided to conduct a home run derby pitting the two top contenders, Democrat Al Gore and Republican George W. Bush, against each other.
The derby will be conducted from Labor Day through October 29. Each day during this period each contender will be thrown 10 fastballs by a simulated pitcher. The batter with the most home runs at the end of the contest will, assuming other factors don't intervene, be awarded a position on the Presidents' 2001 roster.

(Note: At the moment Green Party candidate Ralph Nader and Reform Party candidate Patrick Buchanan have not requested to be included in the derby. Team officials said however that if a request is received by either individual, or any other contender, prior to Labor Day, they would be eligible to compete in the derby. The fact that neither Nader nor Buchanan have asked to be included in the contest suggests that they do not hold any realistic expectations of making the team.)


[September 4, 2000]

Interview with KURT COBAIN


This is part of a series of interviews with current field managers of cosmic baseball teams.

On July 3, 2000 moments after the Paradise Pisces' fired field manager Ana´s Nin (b. February 21), Kurt Cobain (b. February 20) was named the new team manager, For three seasons (1995-1997) Cobain played the outfield for the Dharma Beats, the Cosmic Baseball Association's team of Beat Generation-related individuals. In his three seasons he compiled a .263 batting average and hit 40 home runs. Cobain is more popularly known as the founder and leader of the musical group Nirvana which was a successful grunge band in the early 1990s. His death in April 1994, officially ruled a suicide, has become controversial. Reputable journalists and others have come to the conclusion that Cobain's death was a homicide.

This interview was conducted seven days after Cobain took over the reins of the Pisces.


CBA    You played Little League baseball in Washington State right?

Cobain    Yup. Around the time my parents split up I remember my father wanted me to play Little League. I didn't really want to but I did meet Matt Lukin who also played Little League with me, and a couple of other kids who shared and even inspired my interest in music. Matt was the bassist for The Melvins, a group I admired a lot.

CBA    When you played cosmic baseball for the Dharma Beats you were pretty competent with a bat in your hand.

Cobain    I didn't learn anything about batting in Little League. I got some experience with a bat in 1989 when the band [Nirvana] was on tour. We weren't a superstar band at that point and I remember staying at a place in Texas that had signs on the grass, "Beware of Alligators." So me and the boys slept with baseball bats at our sides and I remember taking a lot of practice cuts just in case I had an encounter.

CBA    Your fellow-band member Kurt Novoselic referred to those days as "Kerouwacky." Were you a fan of the Beat writer Jack Kerouac?

Cobain    Yes. The Beats were important to me. I especially grooved on the work of William Burroughs who I got to know pretty well when I played for the Dharma Beats. Allen Ginsberg and I both died on April 5. I feel spiritually connected to a lot of the Beat philosophy.

CBA    In a salon.com article David Gates wrote, "From Bob Dylan through Kurt Cobain, popular music has been essentially post-Beat poetry with electric guitars."

Cobain    The Beats were originally outsiders, not part of the system. After my parents' divorce I gravitated to the outside. Some said I became anti-social but by nature I'm a rather diffident sort of person. The Beats were most definitely outsiders. Maybe it's hard to understand that now, because the Beats are more popular, more inside then outside, at least the Beat promoters and marketers have seen to that. As my friend Burroughs said, "Kerouac opened a million coffee bars and sold a million pairs of Levis to both sexes."

CBA    Your song "Beans" was a tribute to Kerouac, right?

Cobain    Right. "Beans, beans, beans/ Jackie ate some beans/ And he was happy and naked in the woods'". The song was inspired by Kerouac's The Dharma Bums.

CBA    How did you get picked to manage the Pisces?

Cobain    On Sunday, before the Fourth of July [2000] I was contacted by Chelsea Clinton, the team's G.M. She asked if I would be interested in managing. I told her I was but that I didn't have any experience. That didn't matter. Chelsea told me the then-current manager [Ana´s Nin] was getting axed and to get on a plane to Paradise right away. I don't know what put the thought in her head that I could manage. Maybe it's because we are both February Pisces.

CBA    So it was a surprise?

Cobain    Yes, very much so. I had been waiting for someone from the Beats to call me, and maybe get a job coaching or assisting Beat manager Robert Kelly, who, by the way, is an extremely good poet.

CBA    Your wife, Courtney Love pitches for the Vestal Virgins. The Pisces are scheduled to play the Virgins next week. How is your relationship with Courtney?

Cobain    I've got to be careful here. Last week I would have spoken openly about my feelings for her. But since she will be the starting pitcher in the first game of the series I don't want to give her or her team any more motivation to beat us.

CBA    Well, it sounds like you don't have very positive feelings towards her. Do you think she played a role in your death?

Cobain    Look it, my death was not a suicide, so let me put a stop to that rumor. Obviously I know who killed me, and yes, it was murder. That private investigator, what's his name--

CBA    Tom Grant--

Cobain    --Right, Tom Grant, he's pieced together a pretty good account, but listen I don't want to get deep into this right now.

CBA    Okay. Understood. Well, thanks for your time and good luck managing the Pisces.

Cobain    Thanks man, I appreciate it.








Other Field Manager Interviews



[August 23, 2000]



September News Archive

September 24
Velocitors Rule Underleague
The Speed City Velocitors are on their way to meet the Middleleague's Psychedelphia Woodsox in the Season 2000 Subleague Series by virtue of their victory in today's Underleague playoff game against the Pre-Raphaelite Baseball Club (PRBC). A three-run ninth inning propelled the Velocitors to victory as they won the game 5-3. The PRBC scored one run in the bottom of the ninth, a result of a throwing error by the Space Shuttle Columbia. But the run was in vain.

The Speed City Velocitors are a rookie team at the Cosmic Baseball Association and they vied with the PRBC all season long for first place in the Underleague. With a week to go before the end of the season the Velocitors were two games behind. By the close of the season the two teams were locked in a tie each with a won-loss record of 93-69, requiring the one-game playoff. The Subleague Series begins October 1 in Psychedelphia.


Related Links

September 23
Virgins Draft Dora Marsden
The Vestal Virgins have wasted little time trying to fix the problems that resulted in a disappointing season (78-84, 4th place in the Overleague). General Manager and political philosopher Hannah Arendt announced that the team was releasing relief pitchers Virginia Clemm and Evelyn Johnson. Arendt also announced the signing of rookie pitcher Dora Marsden of the Women's Freedom League.

Marsden was born in 1882 in England and educated at Manchester University. After initially teaching school she became a member of the Women's Social and Political Union and immersed herself in progressive social activism. She founded and edited a weekly paper called The Freewoman which was eveutally recast as The Egoist when Marsden's interest in philosophy and the arts eclipsed her political activism. She was a staunch supporter of women's rights and she especially emphasized the importance of sexual freedom for women. The psychologist Havelock Ellis had a significant influence on her views as did the social philosopher Max Stirner. Marsden's corporeal life ended in 1960.



September 22
Regular Season Ends
The regular portion of the cosmic playing season is over. All the league races were close this season...right down to the wire.

The Paradise Pisces, once again, stand at the top of the Overleague, one game ahead of the Alphatown Ionians.

The Psychedelphia Woodsox win the Middleleague pennant edging out the Bhutan Vanguards by one game.

The Underleague winner will not be decided until a one-game playoff between the Pre-Raphaelite Baseball Club (PRBC) and the Speed City Velocitors takes place on Sunday. A week ago the Velocitors were two games behind the PRBC and in a strange turn of fate the PRBC dropped two games to the cellar-dwelling Mindland Brains and the the Velocitors won two close games from the Armageddonia Anarchists who end up in third place.


Related Link



September 18
Baseball, Olympics, Australia
Despite several cosmic baseball players (Thales, Anaximander, Socrates, etc.) the ancient Greeks who invented the Olympic games did not play baseball.

The sport itself has been played officially in the Olympics only twice starting in Barcelona in 1992 and then again in the 1996 games played in Atlanta. The Cuban national team has won the gold medal both times.

This year there are eight teams enrolled in the baseball competition in Australia: Australia, Cuba, Italy, Japan, the Netherlands, South Africa, South Korea and the United States. The competition began yesterday and games are played in the Sydney Baseball Center and Sydney Baseball Stadium. The gold medal game will be played on September 27.

Australia itself is no stranger to the game of baseball. Apparently the first baseball played "down under" occurred in 1856 when goldminers from the United States played informal games. In 1888 the American baseball player and promoter A.G. Spalding brought two teams from the United States to Australia. Games were played between December 1888 and January 1889 in the cities of Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide and Ballarat. Crowd sizes ranged from 2,000 to 12,000 spectators.

Over the years the game increased in popularity. Australian women started playing the game in the early 1920s. Night baseball started in 1952 and summer baseball began in the 1970s. In 1988 an Australian team appeared at the Olympic Games in Korea where baseball was a demonstration sport. Yesterday, the Australian national team lost to the Netherlands in the opening game, 6-4.


Related Links



September 17
Season 2000 Notes
The regular cosmic playing season ends in less then a week on September 22.

The individual league races are close with the Middleleague race the closest. (see the current standings.) If any playoff games to determine pennant winners are necessary they will be played on Sunday September 24...The best-of-five games Cosmic Subleague Series between the the Middleleague pennant winner against the pennant winner in the Underleague commences on Sunday October 1.

The Cosmic Universal Series, a best-of-seven games series between the Subleague Series victor and the Overleague pennant winner, begins on Thanksgiving Day.

PLAYER NOTES- As expected, Dharma Beat outfielder Charles Plymell, has asked to be traded to the the Eden Bohemians. Whether or not there will be an opening on the Bohemians' roster depends on what the team decides to do about veterans Virginia Woolf and Ring Lardner.

TEAM NOTES- It is likely that the Underleague bottom dwelling Mindland Brains will be decommissioned after the conclusion of the regular season. There is a rumor that the city of New Kino is preparing a cosmic team of film directors for consideration.

September 9
COSMIC GAME REPORT
Woodsox @ Vanguards
The Woodstockings and the Vanguards are fighting for supremacy of the cosmic Middleleague and the Woodsox, behind the gritty pitching of rookie Twiggy, had the edge today. Despite the Vanguards'a four run third inning the folks from the 60s were able to scrape a victory by playing smart, dogged catch-up baseball.

This pennant battle looks like it will go down to the wire but it will be other Middleleague teams that help determine the ultimate winner since this was the last meeting between these two contenders. The Vanguards have the tougher schedule since they play will be playing a three-game series against the Capitalists while the Woodsox meet the bottom-dwelling Superbas in the coming week.

Link to Game Report


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Archived: September 30, 2000
Copyright © 2000 by the Cosmic Baseball Association

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