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• Kelsey Grammer- 1999 Cosmic Player Plate (August 26)
  
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Where's the logic? A man who's father and sister were murdered...who lost two half brothers when they died in a scuba diving accident......who has been arrested for drunk driving and cocaine possession...who cracked up his Dodge Viper automobile...who was accused of statutory rape...who entered the Betty Ford Clinic for treatment of alcohol and drug addicition...where's the logic that creates from this cloth a comedian who has shined in two very popular television situation comedies?

Kelsey Grammer, thrice-married and frequently fodder for the scandal sheets has again been nominated for another Emmy award for his work in the NBC television series, "Frasier." He first came to the nation's television consciousness in 1984 when he joined the popular series "Cheers" as the pompous but lovable, Dr. Frasier Crane, psychiatrist. The good doctor of the mind is, at heart, a bungling romantic, who has kept audiences laughing for fifteen years.

Grammer joined cosmic baseball this season and he has the good fortune to be pitching on a team, the Overleague's Paradise Pisces, that is destined to play in the Cosmic Universal Series. Born February 21, 1955 on the island of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands, Grammer's astrological Sun sign is the distinctly watery Pisces.

Bobby Unser is one of the most celebrated automobile race car drivers in car racing history. He's won the famed Indianapolis 500 championship three times; he was twiced named the United States Auto Club (USAC) champion driver of the year and he holds the record for the most number of wins (13) at the Pikes Peak Hill Climb contest.

Unser retired from racing in 1981 shortly after his controversial win at the Indy 500 that year. He joined cosmic baseball this year and shows promise at the keystone bag which seems appropriate since he once won the Pocono 500 in Pennsylvania, also known as the "Keystone State." In addition to his three wins at Indy and at Pocono, Unser also won three California 500s for a total of seven 500 race wins.

These two teams have been running neck and neck all season long for the title of dominant team in the Cosmic Middleleague. Since it is writers (Bohemians) against television personalities (Superbas) this battle has added fuel to the already hot debate about television's impact on the declining number of readers in the United States. This game got a lot of advanced billing and everyone expected a tightly played game. Instead we got a blow-out which, if symbolism and metaphor mean anything, suggests that writing and reading are better ways to spend our leisure time.

This game was so lop-sided that for the casual viewer all the fuss made about the Middleleague pennant race must seem like just so much hot air. Bohemian starter Edgar Allan Poe went the distance and pitched a wry, sly seven-hit shutout. Bohemian outfielder Ernest Hemingway clobbered a baseball so hard it left the field of play like a bullet. The fact that Miguel Cervantes, Ring Lardner, and Sinclair Lewis were all on base made this Hemingway's first cosmic grand slam homerun. Hemingway ended the day with five RBIs and the game's Most Cosmic Player award.

In 1991, the people who are responsible for such things, named a crater on the planet Venus "Agnesi" in honor of the distinguished Italian scientist Maria Gaetana Agnesi.

Agnesi's field was not astronomy, but mathematics. And while the planet Venus is often associated with the idea of romantic love, Maria was never married; in fact, she desired to be a nun. Her passion, it seems, was about ideas; not affairs of the heart.

As a young girl Agnesi was called a "Walking Polyglot" and the "Seven Tongued Orator." At the age of nine she transcribed and delivered a discourse in Latin on the need for female education. She spoke Greek at 11 and Hebrew at 13.

Despite being born into a wealthy Milanese family she died in poverty having given all her worldly goods to charity. Her last years were spent in service to the poor and downtrodden who very well might have not known how brilliant a scientific mind she had. In addition to the crater on Mars, her name adorns a conic curve now known as the "Witch of Agnesi."

Agnesi entered the Cosmic Baseball Association this season as owner of the Sweepland Curves, a team comprised of mathematical curves. The Curves play ball in the Cosmic Underleague.

CBA News & Information Plate
URL http://www.cosmicbaseball.com/0899news.html
Archived: September 1, 1999
Copyright © 1999 by the Cosmic Baseball Association

Email: editor@cosmicbaseball.com

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