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June 29, 2009



Cosmic Baseball Player
Madoff Sentence Will Not Impact Debentures

The jail sentence (150 years) given to Bernard Madoff, Ponzi schemer and pitcher for the Wall Street Debentures, will have no impact on the team or Mr. Madoff's ability to pitch for the team. It does not matter which Federal Correctional Institute the Bureau of Prisons assigns Madoff, he will be available to play for the Debentures.

(Note: Madoff has been nominated by some of his former investors to be an umpire at the CBA. If the nomination is accepted Madoff, obviously, would not be eligible to be a cosmic baseball player and the Debentures would have to take him off their roster)





June 27, 2009

Game Report

Cosmic Baseball Game
Signs Beat Presidents

At the start of the ninth inning, the visiting Signs led 3-2. It had been a balanced game. But that equlibrium was exploded when Virgo led off the inning with a solo home run. Gemini bopped a blooper for a single to left and then stole second base. Libra singled deep to center. Aquarius singled deep to right scoring Gemini. Libra made a base running blunder and was thrown out trying to steal third base as Aries struck out at the plate. Leo (who already hit a home run in the third inning) got an RBI by hitting a single up the middle that scored Aquarius. Scorpio singled to left field. Reliever Arthur threw a wild pitch. Taurus singled in the fifth run of the inning. James K. Polk relieved Arthur on the mound. Polk got Cancer to fly out to center fielder Franklin Roosevelt. The Presidents manufactured one run in the bottom of the ninth and lost the game, 8-3.



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June 21, 2009

Game Report

Cosmic Baseball Game
Planets Beat Signs

This was a close one. In the bottom of the ninth inning, the Zodiac Signs had a chance to tie things up when lead off batter Scorpio hit a definitive single up the middle. Aries sacrificed Scorpio to second. The tie run at the keystone stop, one out and Sign second baseman Taurus came to the plate and popped one into shallow center where Astronomical Planet Saturn recorded the second out. Moon Child stepped up and in one swing finished the game with a grounder. Mars-to-Mercury (6-3) game over. Planets Win, 2-1.



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June 20, 2009

Internationalbaseball.org
2004 Tehran Baseball Team

Iran Baseball Images
2004 Isfahan Baseball Team

Global Baseball Activities
Support for Iranian Baseball

Because of recent political events inside Iran, it is possible that baseball enthusiasts in the largely Islamic nation will have difficulty finding venues to play (not to mention difficulty getting fans to watch).

Therefore, the Cosmic Baseball Association has sent word to the Baseball Federation of Iran (and the Iran Baseball Federation) that if the need arises, cosmic baseball playing fields will be made available to baseball teams associated with organized baseball in Iran. (NOTE: Research indicates the Iran Baseball Federation was founded in 1989 and the Baseball Federation of Iran was organized in 1992. The exact relationship between these two entities is not clear.)

Since women in Iran have taken a keen interest in the game of softball, the CBA has also communicated with the Iran Softball Federation. While CBA does not promote softball activities, CBA fields of play will be available to both female and male softball teams in Iran.

A Cosmic Baseball Research Alliance (COBRA) scholar currently doing research in the southeastern Iranian province of Kerman indicates there is some anxiety over the current political activities in Tehran.





June 19, 2009

Game Report

Cosmic Baseball Game
Planets Beat Pisces



The seventh inning of this game was about sacrifice. Poet and Pisces third baseman Henry Longfellow sacrificed himself so that Patty Hearst (at first base with a leadoff walk) could move forward to second base. But the sacrifice was for nothing because Hearst was ultimately left on base. In the bottom of the seventh inning the Planet's second basewoman Venus sacrificed and Planet Mercury (at first base with a leadoff walk) moved to second base. Planet Mars hit a triple scoring Mercury and Planet Saturn hit a sacrifice fly scoring Mars. For the Planets, the strategy of sacrifice worked. The Planets won the game 5-3.



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June 17, 2009

Game Report

Cosmic Baseball Game
Beats Best Mosaics



Beat paragon William Burroughs pitched one of his best games shutting out the Mosaics in a complete game effort. Burroughs also helped out his team offensively. He led off in the top of the sixth with a single to left field and eventually scored on a Jack Kerouac single to left field.



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June 15, 2009

Sasha Grey and Jean-Luc Godard

Cosmic Baseball Players
Pisces Draft Actress Sasha Grey

Paradise Pisces general manager Chelsea Clinton announced today that the team has drafted Sasha Gray (b. March 14) for the 2010 season.

The Krafft-Ebing Mosaics also made a bid for the film actress but the chance to play for CBA's flagship team proved compelling, according to inside sources close to Grey.

Ms. Grey is most recently known as the star of the Steven Soderbergh film The Girlfriend Experience, which appeared at the end of April 2009. Prior to her exposure in that film, Ms. Grey had established a career in the adult filmmaking business.

Born near Sacramento, California in 1988 as Marina Ann Hantzis, her family has been described as "working class." Her parents divorced before she Sasha Grey Interviewfinished middle school and she did not get along very well with the man who became her stepfather in 2000. By 2005 she was studying film, dance and acting in junior college while tending tables at a restaurant. In the middle of 2006, she moved to Los Angeles and began her career as an actor in pornographic movies. By November 2006, she was achieving positive recognition for her art and was described in the adult entertainment media as a potential major star that combines physical allure with intellectual seriousness. The latter characteristic is a function of her self-described interest in French New Wave film theory, especially as exhibited by Jean-Luc Godard. (Godard pitched in the Cosmic Baseball Association for one season in 2001.)

Like Godard, Grey will be a pitcher. There is some data that suggests women with convoluted or complicated Elektra syndromes make very good cosmic baseball players (which is why the Krafft-Ebing Mosaics tried to draft Grey.)

So, we have an actor with an interest in French New Wave filmmaking playing the role of a woman who provides deep French kissing for a living. It is precisely this foreign quality that has Clinton and Pisces field manager Diane Arbus so excited about drafting Ms. Grey.





May 31, 2009



Personal Cosmic Baseball Game
Cabinet @ Providers

What happens when a new presidential cabinet interacts with adult service providers who use digital technology to generate business? In this instance, when that interaction takes place on the cosmic baseball field, the answer is "controversy."




















This personal cosmic baseball game was played on April 14, 2009. Ordinarily the report would have been published the next day on the internet at the CBA's website.

This was just another normal personal cosmic baseball game until it came time to publish the game report. At that point, outside entities intervened. The Cosmic Baseball Association was asked by citizens affiliated with the federal government to delay publishing the standard game report. CBA agreed to the requested delay assuming it would be brief.

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Soon thereafter, several citizens affiliated and/or representing state government agencies intervened. Citizens from Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, Illinois and South Carolina all asked that the game report not be published or at least that CBA delay the game report's publication.



Where it stands now: We have agreed to not publish the game's "score card". The "line score" and the "box scores" are being published, with this news item. A full personal cosmic game report, including the "score card" and other game metadata is currently being "vetted" by official government agencies at the state and federal level and that is about the only thing we can report now.



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April 26, 2009

Season 2009 Main Plate

Cosmic Baseball Game
Zodiac Signs @ Wall Street Debentures


New teams...playing the game...








April 22, 2009







Prescience
Can the Stars Predict?

Can the Stars Predict the Final Standings?

There has been an upsurge in interest in the stars recently and more and more people are asking, "can the stars predict the future?" We asked a member of the Cosmic Baseball Research Alliance (COBRA) to investigate the matter. Using a Hollywood Telescope she was able to interview six stars on April 20, and she asked each one, who they thought would be the CBA's best team in 2009. Here are the selected stars' answers.

Jack Nicholson: I was born in Neptune City, New Jersey so I'm both rooting for and predicting the [Astronomical] Planets will win it all.


Olivia Wilde: I always predict that the [Paradise Pisces] Pisces will win. Sometimes I'm right. sometime's not so right.


Rush Limbaugh: It definitely will not be the Wall Street Debentures. Probably the [Dharma] Beats will win even though I don't much care for that cosmic baseball team.


Nancy Reagan: The [Zodiac] Signs have it in the bag. Other stars have told me this.


Tina Fey: Cosmic what kind of team? I have no idea.


Lindsay Lohan: I'm not clairvoyant at all but I hope the Krafft-Ebing Mosaics win.











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Archived: June 30, 2009
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